dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
