where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
