so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
