my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
not ubering you a puppy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
