We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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