They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
