i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
