and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
