Nicole vs. Life
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
