you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
