I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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