i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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