she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was confusing and full of hummus
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
