The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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