Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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