ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
