We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
