So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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