Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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