I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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