i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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