the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
