16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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