What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
