She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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