you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
