Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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