i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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