Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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