Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
