I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
