i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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