Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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