I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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