I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
