i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
