Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
