gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
