The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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