I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
