Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
