I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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