My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
