Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
