he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
