dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
