Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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