Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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