Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
