I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
