YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
