he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I didn't notice because vodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
