There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
