I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
