"it" just moved
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
